I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
