Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize