Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
