there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You are the jesus of drinking
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
