It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
