Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
