You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
