never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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