man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
