all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
