He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
