and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
