Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize