If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
