if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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