just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
