Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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