two words: eviction party
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
