Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
