He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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