I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was born a porn star she said
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
