Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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