i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
