Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
