I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
