The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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