OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
