Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
