i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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