hotel room ftw
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I want a musical about memes.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
