Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
