He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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