the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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