My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
