y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
