Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
