ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
