Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
