Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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