So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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