I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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