i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
