I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
