all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize