I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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