i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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