I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize