Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
