come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
