Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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