You're my little dorito
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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