I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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