you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's rum buckets o'clock
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize