just tell him i said nine months
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
