The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
