Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
