i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
