so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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