If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
