It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
the raccoons are back...
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