the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
