So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I FOUND THE LEGS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
