I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
