I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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