So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
