I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
