I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
