The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
