How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
