Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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