god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
