mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
